(This photo was taken 5 years ago, but it is one of my favorites of our family)
This blog is going to be a little different. I want to take a little room up on this blog to thank the only person in this world that I want to spend every day of my life with.
I went into this process with a fear that emotions and feelings would change for my husband. That maybe my looks would affect our relationship. Now, I’m only a week and a half out from my surgery. And guess what? Something has changed: MY feelings. I don’t feel the same as I did before surgery. Let me explain.
I have such love for my husband. I look at him as the hero of our family. He saves me every day from myself. That’s why I told him that he was the first person I wanted to see when I opened my eyes after surgery. Somehow, I knew that the pain wouldn’t be as bad if I had his hand to hold. And I was right.
Through my hospital stay, I did better when he was there. I walked more. I stayed awake longer, I actually ordered and tried “food.” When he was there, he helped me up, down, and around. He stood guard at the door while I showered, waiting to run in if I needed him. While he was there, I didn’t need a nurse. He did all of her work and more.
When I went home, I thought I would have everything under control and I would be able to be independent. I was wrong. But, he was always there before I needed him. As I was getting up, his hand would already be reaching down for me. If I wanted to take a shower, he would help pick out my clothes.
It wasn’t until after my first shower that I noticed things had changed. He waited for me to dress and come out of the bathroom. He was waiting on the bed with the white hospital nylon hose that go all the way up to my thigh. They help prevent blood clots, and the nurses thought it would be a good idea to keep wearing them at home. He, in all of his strength, put them on for me as gently as he could.
The look in his eyes was not what I expected. I felt helpless and expected pity. But there wasn’t any there. It was pure love. The kind you give without the expectation of anything in return. Pure, genuine love. The kind that most people only dream about. The love was all for me. The kind of love that he has always given me, but I’ve been too blind to see it. I am quick to tell myself what I’m doing wrong and have a hard time seeing the good. So, why would anyone love me that way? It left me breathless. Falling. Falling in love with him all over again.
In the middle of the first night home, I awoke with a cough. He startled awake and was obviously worried. When it stopped, I fell fast asleep. But sometime between then and morning, I woke up to find him standing over me, checking on me. It gave me comfort and, again, I fell back to sleep.
I said things have changed for me. Let me explain. Questioning his love had become automatic for me. Why me? Isn’t there someone better than me? But, he has fallen in love with me, and no one else. He chose to spend his life with me. I don’t want to waste time wondering why. I want to waste my time loving him the way that he loves me.
I have been blessed to meet my husband at such a young age (I was 17). We get to spend so much time together in this life. We are lucky in love.
So, thank you hunny. Thank you for being the light that shines at the end of every dark tunnel. Thank you for being my strength. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for choosing us.