Don’t say sorry, say I love you

I’ve told you about how amazing my husband is. If you’ve forgotten, read My One & Only. I’m going to talk some more about him, and also some others. 
My husband, no matter how many times I apologize or tell him he shouldn’t have to do whatever he is doing, he just does what needs to be done. I have a huge incision on my stomach running up and down. I had 2 drain tubes on my right side, and a jujunostomy tube (J-tube) on my left side. That left me with limited mobility. I was unable to do much of anything for myself. 

My husband wiped me after using the restroom because I couldn’t. He didn’t call a nurse or ask for help. He just did it. My husband gave me sponge baths every day, because he would rather it be him doing it than anyone else. He washed my hair and brushed it out. He WANTED to be the one to take care of me.

What did I do while he did all of these things? I apologized. Why? Because I didn’t feel like this is what marriage should look like at this young of an age. But guess what? For us, and for this short time, it does. So instead of saying I’m sorry, I should have been saying, “I love you.” “Thank you.” “I would do all of this and so much more for you too.” I should have let him take care of me.

As women, we tend to think that we have the world under our control. And anything that tips that balance messes EVERYTHING up. But guess what, he caught me. I fell. And my husband caught me. My life isn’t over. My life isn’t a mess. He caught me when I fell. And I fell again, in love with him. 

As for everyone else, I had never realized how many people I had supporting me and praying for me. My mom flew halfway across the country simply because I said, “I need you, Mom.” Some people provided meals for my family. Flowers were delivered. I had visitors. I had callers. I had care packages. I had people take my children out to dinner just to take their minds off of their momma who was in the hospital. I even had a friend come over with her kids to let out and play with our dogs. I had so many people show love in so many ways. 

And so, the healing process begins. My husband leaves for work on Thursday, but my sister flies in to help me through this time tonight. She’ll be here for two weeks helping me through my day to day and night to night routines. She will take me to and from follow up doctor appointments. She’ll sleep beside me in case I need her. She will, in all aspects of the word, be my caretaker.

I thank each and every one of you for all you have done for me, my husband, my boys, my whole family. In a million years, I don’t think I could thank each of you enough. So I will leave it at this: I firmly believe in the power of prayer. I always have, and I always will. It is the greatest blessing you can give someone, a prayer. So in my prayers, you will all reside. My prayer is that all of the blessings you have laid upon me and my family, you will receive in other smaller ways. Ways you may not realize. A smile on a bad day. A hug from someone you didn’t know you needed one from. A reminder in some way that love is the greatest of all things this life has to offer. I hope you can feel that love and let it grow inside of you so that you can share it with as many people as you can in ways such as how you did for me. And, to be honest, a million thank-yous would never be enough to repay the kindness and generosity you have all shown and given to me and my family. So, I’ll settle with love.