THAT girl

(Random photo my son took of me, which I hate!)

Isn’t it funny how great you can make yourself look when you are the one in charge of the camera? You can edit the picture until all that’s left of the real you is a shadow of who you were when you took the picture. But what is the most telling are the random photos that others take of you when you aren’t expecting it. I glance through my phone and see a picture of someone that can’t be me. That girl in the photo is way too large to be me. Her eyes are sunken in and have circles that make her look like she has been abused. Her belly sticks out like there may be a large child within it. Her arms look like overstuffed sausages that may burst at any moment. But, she smiles. Why? Shouldn’t she be depressed looking like that? Shouldn’t she hate the very skin that holds in her fat? Shouldn’t she be hiding in a dark closet somewhere?

The answer is NO! I am a woman who has been blessed beyond belief. I met the love of my life when I was 17. We have two sons. One, an incredibly talented musician. The other, the most caring, selfless person I have ever known. Our family has been through plenty. My husband works out of town making it difficult for our boys to maintain a good relationship with him. So when we have time off from work and school, we make it a point to spend that time with him. I smile because we are all together again.

We are on spring break this week. So, we are with him. In North Carolina. A little north of Charlotte. Still too far from the beach. But, that doesn’t matter. We get to spend time with him. It doesn’t matter that he has to work during the day. Spending our evenings with him is enough. We look forward to these times all year. He works harder than he should to provide for his family. And we love him more for that.

Updates on doctor visits: I had to start a new medication for my cholesterol and triglycerides. We’ll revisit that once I lose weight. The doctor did say that as long as I don’t lose 26 more pounds, I’ll still qualify for the surgery. On Monday, I have my upper gi scan. I also have my psychiatric evaluation. Neither of them am I nervous for. In fact, it’s just another step closer for me in this journey. And it keeps me looking forward to my future.