Letting Go

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Let’s face it, anyone who has been or is overweight knows the feeling of trying to decide which diet they should try. But when it doesn’t work, then what? Isn’t it the easiest thing in the entire world to just go back to the crappy eating we were doing before? We trick ourselves by thinking that if we don’t see results right away, then we are failing. But being healthy isn’t something that comes overnight. We have to constantly work at it. We have to eat healthy, work out, drink water, and stick to it.

While this is all very important, what about everything else? Not only should we feed our bodies, we should feed our souls. And each of us has our own unique way of doing so. Some of us meditate in a peaceful place. Some of us spend time with our friends. Some of us are lucky enough to have found their passions and have the opportunity to do what they love every day.

I saw this post on a friend’s Facebook. It got me thinking about my life.

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Some people work for a paycheck alone. I see them every day. On social media, in my friends, in my family. I am part of the minority. I have a beautiful family and a husband who is inspired daily by his line of work. He loves what he does. It makes for lively conversation and a true purpose for him outside of our relationship. I think it is very important for him to have that, otherwise it would put too much pressure on me to keep him involved and happy in his life. And that shouldn’t be my job. My job should be to share in the experiences, good and bad. To be his outlet for bad days, and his cheering squad for good days.

But what about my passion? I’ve always known what my passion and purpose in life was: kids. Not only mine, but all children. I was a stay at home mom (which was amazing!) up until about a year and a half ago. I was hired as a Para Professional at our local high school. I went into it nervous that maybe I was wrong in my strong intuition with kids. But it didn’t take long for it to all fall into place. I go to work everyday feeling like I’m not going to work at all. I can honestly say that I would do this without getting paid. The students I work with are amazing and genuine. I see them stressing out about a test while I help them study. The anxiety places creases along their foreheads. And then I see the light in their eyes as they tell me they passed. I hear them say that they aren’t smart enough to graduate, and them I’ve hugged them shortly after they’ve walked across the stage at graduation. I’ve cried with them at their darkest, and celebrated with them at their brightest. I. Love. My. Job.

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My life, right now is out of balance. I am spiritually fulfilled, but unhealthy physically. We sometimes look at our health and we know that we need to fix it. We feel it in our bones as they bear the weight of unhealthy choices. But change is one of the most difficult things to do. I am choosing to, instead of changing, let go of what standards I hold myself to. I can not be the “ideal” woman. I can only be me. I can not control what others think of me. I can only control the thoughts I have of myself. I am letting go of self doubt, self judgement, and self loathing. I am embracing my body for what it is today, not for what it was 20 years ago, and not for what it will be tomorrow.

Published by: CurvyFitFabuLOSS

My name is Jessica Wolfe. I am the wife of an incredible man and father. He and I have been together longer than we have been apart. We have two sons, one is 18 and a freshman at Indiana State University majoring in Music Education. Our 13 year old son is in the 7th grade and is being home schooled. My vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery was on June 16, 2016. My total gastrectomy was March 3, 2017. I’ve recently found out I have a fairly large benign tumor in my brain. I also have something going on in my lower spine between my L5 and S1. It seems as though surgery is imminent. Through this blog, I share my life with you and am brutally honest with myself so that when I do look back, I can see what it was that made me make the decisions I did. I also welcome opinions and questions as it challenges my thoughts and helps me grow from where I am. If you want to check me out anywhere else, please do! Instagram: CurvyFitFabuLOSS Snapchat: Momma_Wolfe717 Email: CurvyFitFabuLOSS@yahoo.com

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