JUNE 16

What a whirlwind of a day! Finals started today for the kids at my work. I get just as stressed out as they do. I know how hard they’ve worked and I want to see them succeed.

I had my final pre-op appointment with my surgeon. Fist off, I love his nurse. She is so reassuring. No matter how I’m feeling, she let’s me know that it is absolutely normal. And that makes me feel better.

My surgeon was so much more talkative today. He explained the risks of the surgery and walked me through the process that will happen at the hospital. I had thought that I would only be in the hospital for one night, but I will actually be there for 2-4 nights.

We (tentatively) scheduled surgery for June 16! Of course, it is dependant upon our insurance approving the surgery. I’m not really too worried about it though. I was given a binder full of information about eating after surgery. Reading materials to get me through the next month!

After that, I met with the nutritionist to discuss the diet that I will follow for the two weeks before surgery. We also discussed the diet I will follow after surgery.

I am really excited about this. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not scared out of my mind. This is a surgery that has risks. There are things I will never be able to do again (binge out on pizza). At a certain point though, you have to stop and evaluate the life you are living. I’m absolutely willing to give up those things. For my husband and kids. For my future grandkids. But mostly, for me. I was to be selfish and take care of myself so that I can be around to see the accomplishments of my kids. I want to be healthy enough to takes walks with them. I want to have the energy to keep up with them.

I will never look like the girl in magazines. And that is just fine. I will look like me. My heart will shine bright and cast away the darkness that I hide behind now. The darkness of shame, self hatred, regret. I will have my life to live. When I think of it this way, what other choice do I have?