Fat days & pumpkin spice lattes 

Let’s start with last night. 

I set my clothes out every night for the next day. It saves me time in the mornings when I’m already dragging. I hate mornings. 

When I went to get dressed this morning, I changed my mind on what I was going to wear. I was feeling frumpy and the shirt I chose last night was, frankly, not baggy enough. Once I decided on what to wear, I got dressed and finished getting ready. 

I walked into work and stopped to speak with a co-worker. I told her I was having a “fat day” and was super uncomfortable in my own skin. At that moment, another co-worker walked by and said, “that outfit makes you look skinny, Jess.” Huh? I feel fat, but look skinny?

Throughout the day, a total of four people commented on how thin I look. It made me wonder if it was just my internal dialogue that was making me feel big. Obviously people are noticing that I’m losing weight. But I feel like I still weigh 311 pounds. 

I decided that anytime I hear myself say that I am fat, I will instead say, “you are great just the way you are.” I mean, who cares if I’m 300 or 200 or 100 pounds other than me? I’m working on getting healthy, but I also need to be comfortable in my skin at any stage in this process.

After work, I decided to treat myself to a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. I don’t know why I did. I’ve never liked them. Maybe it’s that I desperately want to feel that love of fall that so many have. But, to me, fall means that winter is coming soon. And that’s not a reality I want to face yet.

So, here I am, thinking that a pumpkin spice latte will “fix” me. It only took 2 sips for that fantasy to come crashing down. My stomach hurt. It hurt so much that I actually contemplated purging. I didn’t, thankfully. But I will never do a pumpkin spice latte again. 

Bleh!!

Stats: I’m down 66 pounds!!

Published by: CurvyFitFabuLOSS

My name is Jessica Wolfe. I am the wife of an incredible man and father. He and I have been together longer than we have been apart. We have two sons, one is 18 and a freshman at Indiana State University majoring in Music Education. Our 13 year old son is in the 7th grade and is being home schooled. My vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery was on June 16, 2016. My total gastrectomy was March 3, 2017. I’ve recently found out I have a fairly large benign tumor in my brain. I also have something going on in my lower spine between my L5 and S1. It seems as though surgery is imminent. Through this blog, I share my life with you and am brutally honest with myself so that when I do look back, I can see what it was that made me make the decisions I did. I also welcome opinions and questions as it challenges my thoughts and helps me grow from where I am. If you want to check me out anywhere else, please do! Instagram: CurvyFitFabuLOSS Snapchat: Momma_Wolfe717 Email: CurvyFitFabuLOSS@yahoo.com

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One thought on “Fat days & pumpkin spice lattes ”

  1. Congrats on your loss! I call that inner dialogue my “fat girl mentality.” She’s a big bitch. But the farther I get out from surgery, the more her voice fades into the background. You’ll get there too…it just takes time!

    Like

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