It has started to become apparent that I don’t really fit in where I used to. I’m no longer 300+ pounds so I’m not technically considered a “fat girl.” But, no matter how thin I get, I still feel that big. I feel like I should still be able to hang with the bigger girls and not think twice. But when they start giving me the cold shoulder or worse, the look, I find myself shying away from them.
I also don’t fit it with the skinny girls. Not that it’s their fault. I still see myself as fat. So, honestly, I exclude myself from that group.
I find myself trying to identify with different people with different things. But, the fact of the matter is, I just don’t. Unless they have had this surgery, they don’t know what it’s like to eat 3 bites and feel like their going to puke. They don’t know what it’s like to accidentally forget their vitamins for 4 days only to feel like gravity is holding them to a single spot and it just won’t let go. They don’t know what it’s like to battle themselves mentally every single day over the smallest things.
Life isn’t about fitting in. It’s about standing out. Do these people really care whether or not we have things in common? That I am ordinary? Or do they see that I am extraordinary? Does it matter to me what they see?
At the end of the day, all that matters is that I’ve done my best to teach my kids how to be amazing people. NOT how to fit in. Do I care if they have friends? Yes. But I also want them to stand out amongst the crowd. And to teach them how to do so, I need to also do the same.
It isn’t about fitting in. It’s about finding where you feel comfortable, and then pushing that boundary. Discomfort means nothing if you are making a difference in the lives of your children. And even if you don’t have children, trust me, someone is watching and learning from you. Be the person you want them to be.
curvyfitfabuloss 
I know exactly what you mean- it’s strange not to fit in with the ‘fat girls’ because you aren’t one anymore and yet it feels foreign to even *think* of yourself as average sized much less thin! And add on top of that how no one who hasn’t had surgery can really fully understand it. It’s hard to figure out where you belong! I think you have the right attitude though: keep doing what’s best for you and it’ll all be fine.
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I feel like what really matters at the end of the day is confidence in self first. like you said others are always watching but whether or not they watch it does good to our bodes, mind, souls to be confident from within. Being self aware is the first step to building our confidence in who we are and are around.
I Love this piece.
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