Strength

I started this process weighing 311 pounds. Back then, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. My body wasn’t my own. This body that has ever so gently, yet brutally, delivered my two children into waiting hands. And when I started having medical problems after bariatric surgery, I felt like my body was betraying me. Like, no matter what I did, I wouldn’t get better. 
But, I still wake up every day. I am still able to spend time with my kids. I am still able to live a normal, productive life, even if I do tire out faster. 

I think being positive about my life is what has gotten me through all that has happened. I have gone through so much and having a negative attitude would have just made everything worse. It would have made me miserable.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been times where I’ve wanted to give up, I’ve been so angry. But it only lasts as long as the conversation. Then it goes away and I realize all that I have to live for. I’m here for a reason. I went through these things for a reason, even if they were only meant to make me stronger.

What has made me strong enough to endure this? What hasn’t? I find strength in the eyes of my kids who so desperately want to make things better. They are the reasons why I wake up every day. I find strength in the arms of my husband. Ever so gently rocking me into submission. Allowing all of my fear to wither away. I find strength in the life I live and the things I do. The people I know and strangers who pass along a smile. I find strength in friends and family always wondering what they can do to help. 

My life is complete. And that’s what matters now. The little things don’t seem so small now. My inner strength ignites a fire deep within my soul. The fire to keep on pushing throigh this can’t be quenched. I look forward to a future of pure joy.