(The above picture was taken almost 17 years ago)
Back in the day, weight wasn’t my problem. I thought it was, I thought I was huge. But looking back, I realize how misplaced those thoughts were. I would have done anything to slim down, including not eating. I would sometimes go days without anything to eat just because I was afraid of gaining an ounce.
And now, while I am a few pounds shy of my heaviest, I still feel the same way. I look back and wonder if I’ve ever felt comfortable with my body. I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt good in my skin. In a society where you have to be thin to be considered beautiful, I have always looked to others for some sort of validation, whether it be comments from friends or compliments from my husband. I’ve never been able to provide that for myself.
I didn’t set out on this journey to feel beautiful. My goal has always been to get healthy. But I realize that I should have a goal of being happy with my body. Afterall, this body was the home for 9 months to each of my boys. This body protected them and nurtured them. They are here because of this body.
I think it’s time to care for this body that I was given in the way this body cared for them. I would do anything for my kids. Why shouldn’t taking care of my body be any different? These shoulders of mine, they will be the place where my kids can cry upon during moments of heartbreak. This waist will be surrounded by the arms of my husband. These legs will be what carry me around the park while I’m chasing after my future grandkids. This body will be my happiness in the reflection of those I love most. Now that I think of it, it’s about so much more than feeling beautiful in my skin.