I am 3 days into my pre-op liver shrinking diet. My body feels like it is on fire. My head hurts from lack of caffeine and my body hurts from what I suspect is withdrawals from carbs. I have fibromyalgia so the pain, to me, feels like it spreads to every single spot on my body. My bestie was amazing and got me a Lush bath bomb when we were in North Carolina. Too bad I’ve used it already. But, I may just take a good old hot bath just to soak my muscles.
My surgery is in exactly:
Today, I am questioning what I have decided to do to my body. I think that is a normal thing to do for anyone who is facing this surgery. I know that this is the right thing to do, but I still have fears. Whether it is founded or not, I fear the pain first and foremost. I think the emotions that I will go through will also be an issue.
Now that I think about it, the emotions are what worries me most. I expect the emotions I will go through will be sort of like the stages of grief. In this case, I will be grieving food.
I feel like at first, there may be a euphoria stage where it feels like everything is great and I am so happy with my decision. But then will come a denial period. Where I may look at food like I can still eat as much as I used to. But once I get my first meal of chicken broth and jello, two bites in will remind me that I can not do so.
At that point, I can see the anger stage setting in. “Why would I do this to myself?” “I hate myself for needing this!” Etc.
Bargaining is next. With the thoughts of, “Can I have this instead of that?” “I would drink more water if you would let me drink during a meal.” Okay, so I’ve already had that last thought. Luckily, I’m a big water drinker and haven’t, so far, had any issues with staying hydrated. Well, other than when I was pregnant with my second child and couldn’t keep anything down.
For me, I think depression is going to be the most difficult. I struggle with depression as it is, so I can foresee this being the biggest problem. But, I’m trying my best to build up my support system beforehand so that I have that to lean on when I need it.
And finally, acceptance. Once I’ve had the chance to go through all of the stages, acceptance will feel like a relief. At that point, I see myself learning how to deal with my new sleeve.
I know that I will live these stages over and over. My hope is that they will get easier every time.
I am very curious to hear what others have been through regarding grief. Did you go through the stages? Or was it “easy” from the beginning? Please leave me a comment! ❤