Food grief

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I am 3 days into my pre-op liver shrinking diet. My body feels like it is on fire. My head hurts from lack of caffeine and my body hurts from what I suspect is withdrawals from carbs. I have fibromyalgia so the pain, to me, feels like it spreads to every single spot on my body. My bestie was amazing and got me a Lush bath bomb when we were in North Carolina. Too bad I’ve used it already. But, I may just take a good old hot bath just to soak my muscles. 

My surgery is in exactly:

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Today, I am questioning what I have decided to do to my body. I think that is a normal thing to do for anyone who is facing this surgery. I know that this is the right thing to do, but I still have fears. Whether it is founded or not, I fear the pain first and foremost. I think the emotions that I will go through will also be an issue.

Now that I think about it, the emotions are what worries me most. I expect the emotions I will go through will be sort of like the stages of grief. In this case, I will be grieving food.

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I feel like at first, there may be a euphoria stage where it feels like everything is great and I am so happy with my decision. But then will come a denial period. Where I may look at food like I can still eat as much as I used to. But once I get my first meal of chicken broth and jello, two bites in will remind me that I can not do so.

At that point, I can see the anger stage setting in. “Why would I do this to myself?” “I hate myself for needing this!” Etc.

Bargaining is next. With the thoughts of, “Can I have this instead of that?” “I would drink more water if you would let me drink during a meal.” Okay, so I’ve already had that last thought. Luckily, I’m a big water drinker and haven’t, so far, had any issues with staying hydrated. Well, other than when I was pregnant with my second child and couldn’t keep anything down.

For me, I think depression is going to be the most difficult. I struggle with depression as it is, so I can foresee this being the biggest problem. But, I’m trying my best to build up my support system beforehand so that I have that to lean on when I need it.

And finally, acceptance. Once I’ve had the chance to go through all of the stages, acceptance will feel like a relief. At that point, I see myself learning how to deal with my new sleeve.

I know that I will live these stages over and over. My hope is that they will get easier every time.

I am very curious to hear what others have been through regarding grief. Did you go through the stages? Or was it “easy” from the beginning? Please leave me a comment! ❤

Published by: CurvyFitFabuLOSS

My name is Jessica Wolfe. I am the wife of an incredible man and father. He and I have been together longer than we have been apart. We have two sons, one is 18 and a freshman at Indiana State University majoring in Music Education. Our 13 year old son is in the 7th grade and is being home schooled. My vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery was on June 16, 2016. My total gastrectomy was March 3, 2017. I’ve recently found out I have a fairly large benign tumor in my brain. I also have something going on in my lower spine between my L5 and S1. It seems as though surgery is imminent. Through this blog, I share my life with you and am brutally honest with myself so that when I do look back, I can see what it was that made me make the decisions I did. I also welcome opinions and questions as it challenges my thoughts and helps me grow from where I am. If you want to check me out anywhere else, please do! Instagram: CurvyFitFabuLOSS Snapchat: Momma_Wolfe717 Email: CurvyFitFabuLOSS@yahoo.com

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3 thoughts on “Food grief”

  1. Ok, Julia’s post made me laugh because I have watched Food Network more than I ever have since I had my surgery! My husband thinks I’m nuts! The diet sucks in the beginning, but the first few days are the worst and you will be over the hump soon! After surgery, you just plain won’t feel like eating because you aren’t hungry and can’t have much at a time. It may not seem like it now, but I guarantee it will be one of the best decisions you’ll ever make for yourself!

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  2. This might be strange, but I watched Food Network to overcome what I couldn’t have. You would think it might make the grief worse but it didn’t. I think the hardest time was first time eating some melon. .. .it was soooo good – the coolness – the texture -….. but I forgot to chew. HAHA! Yeah.. chewing is very important! It came right back up immediately!

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    1. That’s so funny! I’ve never met anyone else who watches Food Network to overcome the desire to eat. We must be related!! I love it because for whatever reason, it curbs my cravings.

      I’m trying to practice the whole chewing thing. But it’s difficult when I only get 2 shakes and a small dinner. Today I almost swallowed my eggs whole. It’s going to take a lot of patience, I’m afraid. Sigh.

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